Haven't blogged in so long and it's because I've been BUSY! Extra BUSY! And that in itself is amazing. I'm capable of being busy again. I'm capable of being busy for more than one or two days. I'm capable of having a shower, shaving AND blow drying my hair. Yesterday I managed, albeit extremely exhausting, two sea dives doing skills plus an afternoon appointment and I didn't crash at five. Even after having had very limited sleep due to babysitting a bottle baby needing feeding every two hours for two days. AND another thing to mention is that when my furbabies come inside with muddy paws I am able to calmly wipe their paws and not completely lose my mind.
Yesterday's appointment was with the Homeopath. She is so impressed with the progress I've made we did not even set another appointment. It was left at call me when you need me. This after only ONE appointment. This after only about TWO months. After feeling helpless and hopeless for over two years I feel like a different person. She asked me if I don't feel angry at the fact that I reached out to so many professionals and that no one could or wanted to understand. I said that I was when I was in a bad place but right now I am reveling, hour by hour, in the glory of strength. To know that I'm gonna be OK. To know that when I do crash I'm not a failure I just need to rest and that is OK.
I've recently realised that my creativity has been restored too. I'm excited to actually implement projects and complete them. I'm learning new skills. Making gifts. Ahead of me are some massive home projects that I'm excited to get underway.
I'm cautious though at what's ahead. Always wondering if this is too good to be true. When is that train gonna flatten me again. You know, what goes up must come down. BUT in this hour I'm OK. The next hour may not be but then I have my angel winged friends who support me. I have a homeopath who believes in me and her capability to help me. I have my bed that I can go crawl into, pull the covers over my head and disappear until I'm ready to face it all again. And in some crazy silly warped way I have my husband who may not understand or feel very supportive but he's there, still there, after it all and for that I'm grateful. As much as I could ring his neck at times. He is still here.
Life is truly a fucked up journey. One can only but sit back and smile through the insanity.
