Saying YES to ME

Means saying a whole lot of NO.
No to people. No to things. No to bad food. No to even my husband and sometimes to my own damn self. When the bad negative thoughts want to take hold I have to be stern with myself and say NO. When cravings or hunger beckon I have to remind myself of the long journey ahead and say NO.
All this revelation just hit me now. I told hubby about my plan 4 days ago and he appeared to be grumpy and rude ever since and has refused to eat, full stop, or to eat the food I had said I would be making from now on and made himself something else. It hurt my feelings but I had to be strong and not let it consume me. I had to say YES to ME. Not compromise on the promise I had made to myself because of a toddler like tantrum. I had to say NO to a few outings this week as either I had a gym appointment with myself or I knew hubby just wanted to go out to eat. It isn't nice. I hate missing out on opportunities but I have to put myself strictly first, at least in these hard early days.
This morning I felt a lot of anger and resentment start to boil and I thankfully caught myself just in time. I took a moment and thought really hard about what a highlight of my week was with hubby. There was one night where we listened to music, chatted and played Scrabble. And THAT was my highlight. Just thinking about it made me feel better. So I texted hubby to tell him that I really enjoyed that evening.  Oh boy what a positive turn around that made. It changed his energy. I'm always putting everyone and especially hubby ahead of myself and it just makes me miserable and doesn't change how I get treated. This by chance experiment has proven that putting ME first is indeed a necessity and will change a whole lot more than one expects.
Here's to surviving day three! Haha small victories......