The Great Escape

I have reality blues today! Last week hubby and I went on holiday for a whole 5 days to Plettenberg bay. We have not gone away from home in ages. Having SIX furchildren make it quite tough. The first day was very very tough. I was having silent panic attacks. It was raining. The babysitter for some reason did not come after we left and only came home really late that night. I was stressing so much. It was horrible. I even got angry and regretful. It was genuinely a very tough day.
BUT thankfully I made it through. The next 3 days were blissfully adventurous! It was amazing. I was excited to get up in the morning. I overcame some scary obstacles. I did crash in the afternoons but a quick deep nap cured it. There were some moments where I could feel my mood change, I analysed it, had a snack and hydrated and pushed through til I could get to the nap.
On one particular loooong hot hike I felt myself getting negative but I verbally voiced out loud that I was being ridiculous as the views were so breathtaking surely I could push through my discomfort to enjoy it.
I felt strong. I felt determined. I made all sorts of promises to myself that upon return I would just DO! Stop overthinking. Stop, stopping myself from accomplishing things I know I CAN do.
Which brings me to today. Ugh! It sucks adulting. I had to clean house, pack away stuff, do washing, move stuff back to its place (aka back to spare room / storage room which was cleaned for babysitter) etc etc.
I am so exhausted right now. My body hurts. My soul is tired. I have zero determination. It's like the second I arrived back home all the life got sucked out of me.
It seems like the tired I feel at home hurts and is unfair versus the tired I felt on holiday which I allowed myself to feel.
Oh and I did that race yesterday I was sort of training for. Ouch! It was not enjoyable at all. Pushes my negative thoughts even more to the forefront as I should be able to do such a short race easily but I couldn't.
I did not want to get up this morning as the list in my head of what I had to do was just too overwhelming. I have made a written list and will hopefully calmly and methodically get through each item one step at a time.

This post was suppose to be all about the great escape! But it wasn't....here is a pivotal monumentous captured memory though that sums up the awesomeness that was!
Snorkelling with Seals - how epic!!!

Sunrise & Run

There are not many things that get me out of bed before sunrise. To go for a run, just a training run at that, would usually definitely not be a good enough reason. But...this week has seen me drag my UNfit PH(f)AT & NON-flourishing ass out of bed half asleep before sunrise. BEFORE SUNRISE people. (Insert gasping emoji)
Not only that, but drive 20km to get to destination - Hobie beach!  Madness. Reason: hubby is swim training in the ocean so I may as well enjoy the amazing views and cool ocean breeze.
We are both taking part in a race in less than two weeks time - 3 beaches challenge hosted by ZSports. We have both lost a lot of fitness. So we are both cramming. Hubby will do the duathlon solo - of course. I have been roped in to be the runner with another lady who is just swimming.
I'm really hoping this forced jolt into action will see a continued effort to stay active. It has been really hard to run. Even a little 3km is daunting now when I had once upon a time conquered a half marathon. But already day four of run/walk 5km it is feeling better. As luck would have it though a nice fat heel blister formed yesterday.  First time ever. A quick Pinterest help search and found Tea Tree Oil as a remedy. I'm a huge fan of essential oils.  Popped the sucker and applied the oil throughout the day. By this morning I was able to run a good one without discomfort with two pairs of socks and a plaster.
Sadly my eating habits are terrible at the moment. Hopefully one day I will get with the program and wonder why it took me so long to get with it.

Dinner for One

After yet another tough week, I opened up to a friend about my weird emotions and it really helped. I got dressed, made a shopping list, walked up and down every isle of the supermarket (should have worn my step counter darn), came home and started cooking and baking. I had envisioned our Friday night around the dining table (seldom used) with ice tea and cheesy cauli sticks playing scrabble. Wake up to reality and hubby has yet another meeting. Dinner for One again standing at the counter on achy feet.

My mind is in a bad zone again questioning life and the universe. But it's okay. I will get through this episode too. Like all the ones before it. Like all the ones still to come.

But let's focus on food. I love baking. I hate cooking. I was in the mood for a bit of both this afternoon. Also I had very expensive pre-prepared cauliflower rice and broccoli in the fridge. So Pinterest to the rescue. My go to for absolutely anything and everything. Best invention ever.

Here is what I made tonight. Rather delicious. Rather healthy. Rather simple. All key things I look for. And there is loads of leftovers for tomorrow! Bonus.

(All credit goes to those amazing bloggers. It is their images in here. Click on IMAGE CAPTION  to get to recipe)

BROCCOLI APPLE SALAD

CHEESY CAULIFLOWER BREAD

BLUEBERRY COCONUT LOAF

Two Minutes. Two Hours. Two days.

Two weeks. Two months. Two years.
Do not know why the above seems poignant.  Do not know why it popped into my head as I opened up this New Post. But my mind seems to want to explore these timelines...
Two minutes ago I was eating pineapple (love) an apple with little dollops of peanut butter (reminding me of my visit with a dear friend) and drinking rooibos cappuccino ( mastering our new Nespresso machine)
Two hours ago I was smashing a treadmill workout at gym. First day back after surviving being sick, a death and Life shit.
Two days ago I was enjoying a solo retail therapy session. Boring though coz as much as I wanted so many things they were not needed. So only a cheap pair of ear rings and a new Mavala (fave brand) shade were the spoils. Oh and shamelessly had a sugar filled Lunchbar (aptly named) for lunch.
Two weeks ago there was much turmoil, illness, death, family, crisis, flu.....and more family drama.
Two months ago it was summer holidays. Nothing much to write home about. And two years ago I think it was the beginning of an active race filled year.
Oh where does the time go????
Today I am missioning to get back on track. Pull myself towards myself. In two weeks time we are hoping to be at our getaway destination. Hoping to reset our body mind and soul so that we may survive the rest of the years challenges.  Hoping to have some fun and meaningful moments.  It's been a while.
But first let's see if I can shake off (the devil on my back) a kilo or two (wishful thinking). I know what to do. Now just to do it.

W! T! F!

All I can do at the moment is shrug my shoulders, throw my hands in the air and bow my head in submission. Life has been torturous. I don't know anything I promise.
Just when I got a grip on my diet and gym schedule it all came crashing down around me. Cannot even put my brokenness in words. It is made worse by being sick. So I'm being gentle on myself and just letting it all be.
Hoping. Praying. For all this shit to end!

Ble (gh!) ssed

The cravings and demotivation hit hard the last two days and I waivered from my strict albeit satisfying enough diet. It's been a really tough week with hubby's father taken to hospital and hubby hardly being home. When he is home 24/7 I wish for some peace and quiet and darkness so I can sleep better and the minute I know he will be gone all night I cannot sleep. Ugh! Typical. 

Yesterday I had normal Health Bread instead of Rye and had two blocks of dark Lindt Blueberry, oh and oooops a protein powder milkshake with real ice cream. I am sure they are the culprits for my intense headache and all over body ache this morning. It will take intense convincing to go weight training at gym just now. It's not my favourite workout either so i usually have to phsyc myself up anyways. 

BUT as the image below says so wisely....I am blessed! 

Are we there yet???

At this very moment I am fighting the cravings. It is day 6 and by now surely I would feel leaner or seen a little shift on the scale. I have been extra good. Zero sugar. Zero carbs after 4pm. Zero dairy. Only 1 fruit daily. Moving and sweating daily.
Ugh it's only day 6. Yet whoop whoop I made it to day 6!
We forget so easily that it took a year to pack on and it won't dissappear in a week. However this week has felt like a month has gone by already.
I'm tired and waivering. Got to keep the focus. I can do this. Just have to.