Bleeeeeep

The more I think about it the crazier I drive myself. But if I don't I feel I will lose more grip on the situation. Although I'm so far off the wagon I can barely see it anymore.
Confused much...
Today at Dischem I asked for advice on taking something to increase my stamina. I'm not making it through a training session. But the problem is I can't take any stimulants because of taking antidepressants. 
So this beefy guy asks a few questions and he seems to ask just the right (wrong) questions leading to me spilling over.
I felt so embarrassed when I finally walked away but he at least made an expensive sale I guess.
Aaaarg. When am I going to get a hold of myself? Nobody knows the pain and suffering I go through. But that's no excuse. Everyone has their cross to bear. I see how other girls overcome their struggles and compare myself to them then feel depressed that I can't find my inner strength I know has to be there. I've come this far haven't I?
Am sure (hoping) that next week will bring more clarity.