Lost ME

Since going crazy post it has been a wild ride. I have just let go. It was fun while I felt there were no consequences but all of that is rushing full force towards me, I can feel it.
No training. Doing races was painful. Bad bad eating. Always eating on the run or standing. Anxiety through the roof. Very little cooking. Tired. Uninspired. Bored. Unmotivated.
I could probably go on with the list of negatives BUT.....
My dear friend who has every single proper reason to be negative and unmotivated as I am, is NOT! She picks herself up every single day and goes for a run. She tracks every single meal. She is a whizz in the kitchen. Reading her blog makes me feel real bad about my thought process, but that isn't a bad thing. If left to my own devices I destroy myself.
So all of the nonsense aside, I WILL use her amazing example as motivation to pick myself up little by little and get back into training. It won't be a big move, it will be little steps in the right direction just to make sure that 'MOVE MORE' is priority for every single day! To make myself a priority again! To do what I know is best for ME! I have lost sight of what is important. Crumbling under this dark cloud above me at the moment.
I have risen before and I will rise again!

Bye Bye Third Part of Year

It becomes unbelievable every year as one notices how faster time flies as you get older. I remember in high school how days felt like it was dragging by, being an adult seemed miles away and it seemed like the normal wish was to be all grown up. Fast track to adulthood and all we wish for now is those days of innocence and no responsibility. If only we knew to enjoy the fun and games back then.
Right now I'm trying to juggle everything (fitness, family, friends, fosters) and still be capable of getting up the next day. Getting the balance between everything is quite tough but so far so good.
The Half Ironman training has officially started. Whoop Whoop! I'm very excited. Even more so that I have a training partner who knows what she is doing and is willing to take me under her wing. Am very grateful as doing it alone is not something I see myself doing. I only managed a 15km cycle on my mountain bike, which is apparently tougher than on a ride bike. But a scary thought that eventually I'll have to manage 100km. Afterwards went straight to a second hand shop and bought cleats to use on hubby's road bike but then saw a really good deal on a bike perfect for my height, which hubby's bike isn't really. So a big spoil. It's so funny how much money we are willing to spend on sports equipment but I'll never go buy myself pretty clothes for that price.
At the moment I feel like I'm just putting my head down and going through the motions of the daily to-do's. Honestly, I do not know how I'm going to handle NOT having the foster babies. They have given me a reason to get up in the morning, EARLY! Little souls that need me for everything. They gave me purpose. So I am very afraid. I think this is why I am even more grateful for the training partner who I am accountable to.
Every day is a new day. A day full of unexpected happenings.
So every morning I just try get through that day in one piece.