Thursday, 31 March 2016

Things You Need To Know About People Who Have Concealed Anxiety

1. They don’t hide their anxiety, they hide their symptoms. To have concealed anxiety isn’t to deny having it – only to do everything in your power to ensure other people don’t see you struggle.
2. They have the most anxiety about having anxiety. Because they are not comfortable letting people see them in the throes of an irrational panic, the most anxiety-inducing idea is… whether or not they’ll have anxiety at any given moment in time.
3. They come across as a paradoxical mix of outgoing but introverted, very social but rarely out. It is not that they are anti-social, just that they can only take being around others incrementally (which is mostly normal). Yet, on the surface, this may come across as confusing.
4. They make situations worse by trying to suppress their feelings about them. They are extremely uncomfortable with other people seeing them in pain, and they don’t want to feel pitied or as though they are compromising anyone’s time. Yet, they make things worse for themselves by suppressing, as it actually funnels a ton of energy into making the problem larger and more present than it already was.
5. They are often hyper-aware and highly intuitive. Anxiousness is an evolutionary function that essentially keeps us alive by making us aware of our surroundings and other people’s motives. It’s only uncomfortable when we don’t know how to manage it effectively – the positive side is that it makes you hyper-conscious of what’s going on around you.
6. Their deepest triggers are usually social situations. It’s not that they feel anxious in an airplane, it’s that they feel anxious in an airplane and are stuck around 50 other people. It’s not that they will fail a test, but that they will fail a test and everyone in school will find out and think they are incompetent and their parents will be disappointed. It’s not that they will lose love, but that they will lose love and nobody will ever love them again.
7. It is not always just a “panicked feeling” they have to hide. It can also be a tendency to worry, catastrophizing, etc. The battle is often (always?) between competing thoughts in their minds.
8. They are deep thinkers, and great problem-solvers. One of the benefits of anxiety is that it leads you to considering every worst case scenario, and then subsequently, how to handle or respond to each.
9. They are almost always “self-regulating” their thoughts. They’re talking themselves in, out, around, up or down from something or another very often, and increasingly so in public places.
10. They don’t trust easily, but they will convince you that they do. They want to make the people around them feel loved and accepted as it eases their anxiety in a way.
11. They tend to desire control in other areas of their lives. They’re over-workers or are manically particular about how they dress or can’t really seem to let go of relationships if it wasn’t their idea to end them.
12. They have all-or-nothing personalities, which is what creates the anxiety. Despite being so extreme, they are highly indecisive. They try to “figure out” whether or not something is right before they actually try to do it.
13. They assume they are disliked. While this is often stressful, it often keeps them humble and grounded at the same time.
14. They are very driven (they care about the outcome of things). They are in equal proportions as in control of their lives as they feel out of control of their lives – this is because they so frequently try to compensate for fear of the unknown.
15. They are very smart, but doubt it. A high intelligence is linked to increased anxiety (and being doubtful of one’s mental capacity are linked to both).

(source:http://healthdetails.site/)

Wednesday, 30 March 2016

Learning About Anxiety

I never knew what Anxiety was. Never heard the term before last year. Even though I had gone to numerous psychologists etc over many many years, that word never came up. The more I research the more I identify and the more I realize it has been with me since I was very young. To be honest, lately I don't even know what to think or feel anymore, just that this is not living. And the worst of it is that many people around me don't want to research it but have a lot to say about how I should deal with it.

Can totally understand now why withdrawal from society is a coping mechanism. Why suffering in silence is easier than trying to educate. Why suicide seems like the only way to end the suffering. Coz it is suffering. You feel alone. You are not physically ill, although much of the time you do feel ill. It's not an easily diagnosable condition. It is not a recognized condition. You are a guinea pig hemorrhaging money until something sort of works and you can live with balancing being able to handle life versus the side affects.

I'm at a crossroads right now. Was so very determined to do this drug free, holistically, self heal. BUT it's shit and my chaotic far from schedule friendly life does not allow me to just focus on me. On rare determined occasion when I do and can, things are good. But I have noticed that weekly meltdowns are now to be expected. They are progressively getting worse. Strangely enough mostly on a Monday. Rendering Tuesday useless too, to recover. I've had about as much as I can handle. I want to enjoy the priviledged life I am blessed with.

anxiety
aŋˈzʌɪəti/
noun
  1. 1.
    a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome.
    1. "he felt a surge of anxiety"
      synonyms:worryconcernapprehension, apprehensiveness, consternation,uneasiness
      ,unease, fearfulness, feardisquietdisquietude,perturbation
       ,fretfulness, agitationangstnervousness, nerves,edginess,
       tension, tenseness, stressmisgivingtrepidation,foreboding,
      suspense
      antonyms:calmness, serenity
      • PSYCHIATRY
        a nervous disorder marked by excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behaviour or panic attacks.

    2. 2.
      strong desire or concern to do something or for something to happen.
      "the housekeeper's eager anxiety to please"
      synonyms:eagernesskeennessdesireimpatiencelongingyearning
      "her anxiety to please"




Tuesday, 29 March 2016

Personality Test

I was sent this very interesting and intriguing link a few months back. I waited a while to do the test as I wanted to have time to sit and complete it properly. I'm always fascinated by how these things work and the results are sometimes mind blowing, as it was in this case. It is really worth doing.
Check out the link here and share with me what you thought about your results
Here's a few snippets from my results which I found really profound....

INFJ personality (the Advocate) type is very rare, making up less than one percent of the population, but they nonetheless leave their mark on the world. As Diplomats (NF) they have an inborn sense of idealism and morality, but what sets them apart is the accompanying Judging (J) trait - INFJs are not idle dreamers, but people capable of taking concrete steps to realize their goals and make a lasting positive impact.

Tend to see helping others as their purpose in life, but while people with this personality type can be found engaging rescue efforts and doing charity work, their real passion is to get to the heart of the issue so that people need not be rescued at all.

Though soft-spoken, they have very strong opinions and will fight tirelessly for an idea they believe in.

They need to remember that while they're busy taking care of the world, they need to take care of themselves too.

Strengths - creative, insightful, inspiring, decisive, determined, passionate, altruistic
Weaknesses - sensitive, extremely private, perfectionistic, always need to have a cause, can burn out easily,



Thursday, 17 March 2016

Dinner 17.03.2016

Yesterday I did some precise grocery shopping. Only getting exactly what we need for three days. I'm tired of shopping for a week then life happens and the food goes bad.
Last nights dinner was simple stirfry. Made chicken for hubby and I had angelfish. Interesting experiment with yogurt and tomato sauce made for a lovely sauce with it all. I had leftovers for lunch today.
Today I was quite busy at computer and around the house. Hubby had left before 12pm already and by the time dinner time rolled by I had gotten quite reluctant to cook. But unfortunately hubby could not go get us homecooked meals takeaways so I dug deep and cooked something up. Did a quick bake too, to finish it off.
I try so hard to stick to zero carbs after 4 but it gets challenging and boring. So tonight crosses all boundaries and it was delicious!
Here are the recipes:
Brown Rice Tuna Salad


Milo Muffins




Monday, 14 March 2016

The Great Escape

I have reality blues today! Last week hubby and I went on holiday for a whole 5 days to Plettenberg bay. We have not gone away from home in ages. Having SIX furchildren make it quite tough. The first day was very very tough. I was having silent panic attacks. It was raining. The babysitter for some reason did not come after we left and only came home really late that night. I was stressing so much. It was horrible. I even got angry and regretful. It was genuinely a very tough day.
BUT thankfully I made it through. The next 3 days were blissfully adventurous! It was amazing. I was excited to get up in the morning. I overcame some scary obstacles. I did crash in the afternoons but a quick deep nap cured it. There were some moments where I could feel my mood change, I analysed it, had a snack and hydrated and pushed through til I could get to the nap.
On one particular loooong hot hike I felt myself getting negative but I verbally voiced out loud that I was being ridiculous as the views were so breathtaking surely I could push through my discomfort to enjoy it.
I felt strong. I felt determined. I made all sorts of promises to myself that upon return I would just DO! Stop overthinking. Stop, stopping myself from accomplishing things I know I CAN do.
Which brings me to today. Ugh! It sucks adulting. I had to clean house, pack away stuff, do washing, move stuff back to its place (aka back to spare room / storage room which was cleaned for babysitter) etc etc.
I am so exhausted right now. My body hurts. My soul is tired. I have zero determination. It's like the second I arrived back home all the life got sucked out of me.
It seems like the tired I feel at home hurts and is unfair versus the tired I felt on holiday which I allowed myself to feel.
Oh and I did that race yesterday I was sort of training for. Ouch! It was not enjoyable at all. Pushes my negative thoughts even more to the forefront as I should be able to do such a short race easily but I couldn't.
I did not want to get up this morning as the list in my head of what I had to do was just too overwhelming. I have made a written list and will hopefully calmly and methodically get through each item one step at a time.

This post was suppose to be all about the great escape! But it wasn't....here is a pivotal monumentous captured memory though that sums up the awesomeness that was!
Snorkelling with Seals - how epic!!!

Thursday, 3 March 2016

Sunrise & Run

There are not many things that get me out of bed before sunrise. To go for a run, just a training run at that, would usually definitely not be a good enough reason. But...this week has seen me drag my UNfit PH(f)AT & NON-flourishing ass out of bed half asleep before sunrise. BEFORE SUNRISE people. (Insert gasping emoji)
Not only that, but drive 20km to get to destination - Hobie beach!  Madness. Reason: hubby is swim training in the ocean so I may as well enjoy the amazing views and cool ocean breeze.
We are both taking part in a race in less than two weeks time - 3 beaches challenge hosted by ZSports. We have both lost a lot of fitness. So we are both cramming. Hubby will do the duathlon solo - of course. I have been roped in to be the runner with another lady who is just swimming.
I'm really hoping this forced jolt into action will see a continued effort to stay active. It has been really hard to run. Even a little 3km is daunting now when I had once upon a time conquered a half marathon. But already day four of run/walk 5km it is feeling better. As luck would have it though a nice fat heel blister formed yesterday.  First time ever. A quick Pinterest help search and found Tea Tree Oil as a remedy. I'm a huge fan of essential oils.  Popped the sucker and applied the oil throughout the day. By this morning I was able to run a good one without discomfort with two pairs of socks and a plaster.
Sadly my eating habits are terrible at the moment. Hopefully one day I will get with the program and wonder why it took me so long to get with it.