Still moving along

Some days I have to talk myself out of stuffing my face with bad foods. Other days I only realise what I've done when it's too late and I sit with a bloated gassy tummy.
But I'm still moving.  I am more forgiving to myself. As long as I'm doing more good than harm then I'll stay clear of where I dont want to be. At some point I'll make myself number one and beat the little bulges.

Look up Buttercup

I have been so down to the ground lately. Feeling sad angry frustrated tired. Probably literally shoulders slumped head down. Blinkers on. Rushing through the days like a machine just trying to get things done. Forgetting about ME, about all I have to be grateful for, all the happy moments I'm missing out on.
Stressing about every little thing.....I could carry on and on!
Enough is enough. Yes things are complicated and tough but I have a choice how to react to it. I want to smile. I want to breathe. Make time for ME and my friends.
So I'm not stressing about my eating and training anymore. I am doing more than most.
Making time to look pretty and for maintenance appointments.
Reminding myself of how far I have come.
So look up and smile. Be loud and proud. I am woman hear me roar. LOL!
;-)

Impatience

I'm getting so frustrated with myself feeling like I keep on trying to lose the same bloody 5kgs.
Still not as strong as I want to and need to be. Have no energy. It feels like my body is fighting against me. And let's not talk about my mind....my own worst enemy.
Went to check out the crossfit type studio. Those people weren't even breaking a sweat. And when I told them where I'm currently training they were like Yoh! So they know her reputation. So I must just get my bum and hers into gear and focus on realistic goals and stop this moaning and self doubting.
Note to self:
I'm making better choices than I did last year.
I'm not quitting.
I have come a long way already.
Stop comparing myself to others.

Had a health scare this past Sunday. Made me realise that I'm still not putting myself first. Still awaiting test results.
I also realised today that my dear husband IS actually doing something to help me - he stopped moaning about food. LOL!

Renewed Direction

Went to bed last night with the intention of sleeping all night - sort of - and waking up earlier to do some training in our newly organised garage fully kitted out with layers of donated carpeting. Looks quite spiffy and so comfortable underfoot.
Sleep was not too bad but not too good either. Still have to get up for the doggies.
Did manage 45 minutes of a rather good workout.
Boxing. Pushups. Mountain climbers. Star jumps. Knee jumps. Bicep curls. Tricep curls. Squats 3 different ways. Crunches. Plus some other Ab stuff I can't name.
All while hubby lay on the floor asking "are we done yet". I just ignored him and carried on.
Over the weekend I decided to up my own meds and take extra Rescue remedy to help with my ailing mind.
Today I'm hoping to find some time to make a Vision Board. I need to get my goals in place and in my face. Hate this limbo feeling.
Also going to sign up with local gym just to use their treadmill and spinning bike.
And I am going to check out a crossfit type studio to see if that may be more fun and goal orientated.
I get bored very quickly and usually around 6 months of something is my limit. So it may be time for a change.
Need to remember this is about ME. What I want and need to live happily ever after!

Bleeeeeep

The more I think about it the crazier I drive myself. But if I don't I feel I will lose more grip on the situation. Although I'm so far off the wagon I can barely see it anymore.
Confused much...
Today at Dischem I asked for advice on taking something to increase my stamina. I'm not making it through a training session. But the problem is I can't take any stimulants because of taking antidepressants. 
So this beefy guy asks a few questions and he seems to ask just the right (wrong) questions leading to me spilling over.
I felt so embarrassed when I finally walked away but he at least made an expensive sale I guess.
Aaaarg. When am I going to get a hold of myself? Nobody knows the pain and suffering I go through. But that's no excuse. Everyone has their cross to bear. I see how other girls overcome their struggles and compare myself to them then feel depressed that I can't find my inner strength I know has to be there. I've come this far haven't I?
Am sure (hoping) that next week will bring more clarity.

Lost the Plot

Had a bit of a breakdown at training today. Woke up pap. Arrived at studio pap. Got on bicycle pap. Then just let all the built up frustrations out! I was wanting to quit coz the constant battle with how I was going to fit workouts in around everything else that needs to happen first in my life, was driving me crazy. Tired.
The first half of this year I could focus on ME. I MADE the time and nothing else came above my workout sessions. Since reaching my goal I have felt lost. Like I can't seem to get going as what am I really working towards. Of course I still want to be leaner and toned. But it was as if it wasn't enough to excite me. Not enough to stop feeling down and eating comfort snacks.
I realised while talking to my trainer that I was once again so easily compromising myself. Putting everything and everyone else ahead of me. Once again not giving myself the highest value.
So we reassess on Thursday. Hopefully it will give me some clear goals to get me excited again! And I may sign up to our local grotty gym just so that I can use their treadmill and bike for those times I have a spare moment to add to the ME time.

Chocolate Mousse

Thanks to my friend for sharing this amazing recipe. It's by far the best Paleo dessert I've made. Simple. Cheap. No flop. Delicious.

1 can coconut milk
1/3 cup raw cocoa powder
1 cup soft dates
Drop vanilla extract

Refrigerate can of coconut milk overnight.
Pour out some of clear liquid.
Soften dates in some warm water.
Place dates in blender add 2 Tbsp coconut milk and blend.
Strain paste for smoother texture.
Add remaining coconut milk and cocoa powder and blend until smooth.
Then add vanilla.
Divide into 4 or 5 ramekins.
Place in fridge few hours.