A Shift In My Universe

Something has changed. So subtly. Not sure if I've spoken about it before, bad memory and all. But I think it may be worth mentioning again.
Haven't blogged in so long and it's because I've been BUSY! Extra BUSY! And that in itself is amazing. I'm capable of being busy again. I'm capable of being busy for more than one or two days. I'm capable of having a shower, shaving AND blow drying my hair. Yesterday I managed, albeit extremely exhausting, two sea dives doing skills plus an afternoon appointment and I didn't crash at five. Even after having had very limited sleep due to babysitting a bottle baby needing feeding every two hours for two days. AND another thing to mention is that when my furbabies come inside with muddy paws I am able to calmly wipe their paws and not completely lose my mind.
Yesterday's appointment was with the Homeopath. She is so impressed with the progress I've made we did not even set another appointment. It was left at call me when you need me. This after only ONE appointment. This after only about TWO months. After feeling helpless and hopeless for over two years I feel like a different person. She asked me if I don't feel angry at the fact that I reached out to so many professionals and that no one could or wanted to understand. I said that I was when I was in a bad place but right now I am reveling, hour by hour, in the glory of strength. To know that I'm gonna be OK. To know that when I do crash I'm not a failure I just need to rest and that is OK.
I've recently realised that my creativity has been restored too. I'm excited to actually implement projects and complete them. I'm learning new skills. Making gifts. Ahead of me are some massive home projects that I'm excited to get underway.
I'm cautious though at what's ahead. Always wondering if this is too good to be true. When is that train gonna flatten me again. You know, what goes up must come down. BUT in this hour I'm OK. The next hour may not be but then I have my angel winged friends who support me. I have a homeopath who believes in me and her capability to help me. I have my bed that I can go crawl into, pull the covers over my head and disappear until I'm ready to face it all again. And in some crazy silly warped way I have my husband who may not understand or feel very supportive but he's there, still there, after it all and for that I'm grateful. As much as I could ring his neck at times. He is still here.
Life is truly a fucked up journey. One can only but sit back and smile through the insanity.

Bye Bye Third Part of Year

It becomes unbelievable every year as one notices how faster time flies as you get older. I remember in high school how days felt like it was dragging by, being an adult seemed miles away and it seemed like the normal wish was to be all grown up. Fast track to adulthood and all we wish for now is those days of innocence and no responsibility. If only we knew to enjoy the fun and games back then.
Right now I'm trying to juggle everything (fitness, family, friends, fosters) and still be capable of getting up the next day. Getting the balance between everything is quite tough but so far so good.
The Half Ironman training has officially started. Whoop Whoop! I'm very excited. Even more so that I have a training partner who knows what she is doing and is willing to take me under her wing. Am very grateful as doing it alone is not something I see myself doing. I only managed a 15km cycle on my mountain bike, which is apparently tougher than on a ride bike. But a scary thought that eventually I'll have to manage 100km. Afterwards went straight to a second hand shop and bought cleats to use on hubby's road bike but then saw a really good deal on a bike perfect for my height, which hubby's bike isn't really. So a big spoil. It's so funny how much money we are willing to spend on sports equipment but I'll never go buy myself pretty clothes for that price.
At the moment I feel like I'm just putting my head down and going through the motions of the daily to-do's. Honestly, I do not know how I'm going to handle NOT having the foster babies. They have given me a reason to get up in the morning, EARLY! Little souls that need me for everything. They gave me purpose. So I am very afraid. I think this is why I am even more grateful for the training partner who I am accountable to.
Every day is a new day. A day full of unexpected happenings.
So every morning I just try get through that day in one piece.

Things To Remember When You Love A Person Who Has Depression

1. Depression is not a choice.

Depression is one of the most helpless and frustrating experiences a person can have. It’s sometimes feeling sad, sometimes feeling empty, and sometimes feeling absolutely nothing at all. There are times when depression can leave someone feeling paralyzed in their own mind and body, unable to do the things they used to love to do or the things they know they should be doing. Depression is not just a bad day or a bad mood and it’s not something someone can just “get over.” Remember no one chooses to be depressed.
2. Saying things like “it’ll get better,” “you just need to get out of the house,” or “you’ll be fine” is meaningless.

It’s easy to tell someone these things because you think you’re giving them a solution or a simple way to make them feel better and to ease their pain, but these kinds of phrases always come across as empty, insulting, and essentially meaningless.

Saying these phrases to them only create more tension within, making them feel as though they’re inadequate, and like you’re not acknowledging what they’re going through by trying to put a band aid on a much larger issue. They understand you’re just trying to help but these words only make them feel worse. A silent hug can do so much more than using cliched sayings........

The Three Words That Can Change Your Life

There are three words in the English language that represent a basic framework of your psychological self-concept—and how you use them on a day-to-day basis can determine the course of your life.

• "I" very simply represents you as the agent.
• "am" represents your beliefs about who you are presently.
• "can" represents your beliefs about what you are capable of doing in the future.

When you put yourself as the agent and a belief together to form the statements “I am” or “I can,” what follows the statement creates a set of self-associations that forms the foundation of your current identity and who you are in the process of becoming. To put it simply, those statements cause you to form a mental picture of how you see yourself:

• I am: I am always late, I am never good enough, I am not good at exercise, I am a weirdo, I am socially awkward, I am a slob, I am smart, I am a good person, I am capable of taking care of myself.
• I can: I can not lose weight, I can not save money, I can never stay focused, I can get things done, I can improve my relationships, I can find a better job, I can make new friends, I can make healthy choices.......

Ocean Blessings

So this morning the most incredible thing happened, ever! The dolphins off Hobie Beach were an arms length away from me while I was swimming back around the Pier.
We got into the water just after day break. It was pristine conditions. The visibility was amazing. On our way back we stopped over a reef and viewed the cute little fishes. Then as I was making my way around the Pier heading back to shore I spot a huge fin below me. My first thought was SHARK! I instantly talked my panic down and then I saw two of the beauties surface right in front of me. Wow! I was blown away. I could not believe it was finally happening to me. My husband has had this privilege so many times I got quite irritated when he would tell me about it.
We hung around and so did they. What an incredible morning! I'm so thankful for this blessing.

(photo borrowed from google image search)

Scuba Experience - v1.0

Ocean 1 - Berni 0

I have been on the sea in crafts at high speed in fierce conditions and have gotten stranded twice when engines got cut out. So I never thought that sea sickness would be on the cards at all.
Let me back track.....we are doing a dive course. A course I really only wanted to start in October for various reasons but my impatient husband decided to go ahead and force the issue immediately. So sure, I'm always game to give anything a try.
There was a whole lot of theory and quizzes and a big exam. Cue anxiety triggers right there. Then underwater skills in the pool for hours on end. Cue exhaustion and anxiety right there. Flood your mask then clear it. LOL! Yeah right, right? Take out your breathing apparatus fling it over your shoulder, don't hold your breath while trying to flip to the side and find it, purging the water that has now gotten inside the mouth piece and THEN you may breathe again. Hahahahahha! Joking right? Wrong! .........

Ironman 2016

Hubby did Ironman 2015. That evening after finishing 15 hours and 27 minutes of continuous motion he said not again. But after few months of intense binging and doing nothing he decided to train again for the next one. Life just got in the way. Motivation was not as easy as it was with round one. Family responsibilities. By February we could see it wasn't going to happen.
So this past weekend we supported our friends taking part. We were there amidst the wonderful hype. Cheering on. It was different. Observing the heightened nerves of athletes as they buzzed around getting organised. Wondering if we had the same of looks on our faces the year before. We had serious FOMO (fear of missing out). I did get in some serious step counts that day though. Getting around was not just a straight path. It was up over around as most of the place was obviously cordoned off for the athletes. Weather was beautiful. Conditions were good. The heat got a bit high and at that point I was glad I wasn't running or cycling anywhere.
So here we are hoping to make 2017 our year. I'm very keen to train for the Half Ironman in Durban next year. I am seriously hoping a friend who suggested we train together for it will still be keen after her bad fall off her bike over the weekend. I have been feeling a lot more energised since the meds kicked in, so I am hopeful that this may actually be a turn around point for me to get back into the game in a serious way and make waves in the next year! All leading up to my 40th where I want to have accomplished some serious fitness accolades and be well on my way training for a marathon in my 42nd year!