Whooosh!

Uhm where did May go? I managed ONE measly post in May and now we're already in June and I'm like hold on. I'm still trudging along. Thankfully more good days than bad. Still trying to fit it all in, which means I'm probably doing way too much too soon and that I'm always waiting for that huge crash around the corner that is going to flatten me good.
Is it really attainable? Can I really train effectively doing five different disciplines? Road running, trail running, road cycling, swimming, horse riding....sometimes trail cycling too, you know, for fun. HAHA!  There are only SEVEN days a week plus LIFE. I still have to fit in gym time too, yoga is suppose to be on top of my list but barely make those classes.
Suddenly food is a bit of an issue again. For a while it wasn't and it was lovely. I was making good choices without even thinking about and my body showed the results pleasingly. Now my tummy is expanding a bit again from bloat from the obvious bad choices. I still can't consume the quantity like I used to, thankfully, but quite often I feel discomfort after a meal. Need to start making good choices again, soon. So many events coming up though.
Finally finished the blooming Diving course this week. Yay! Saw so many beautiful creatures. It is genuinely beautiful down there. So I am quite looking forward to seeing how it is to dive just for the fun of it with a new company. If it isn't organised better then that's it for me!
There's many birthdays coming up in the next two weeks. I'm planning quite a surprise which I am excited about but also have anxiety over. So many people we've got to socialise with this month.
One day at a time. One minute at a time. One foot in front of the other. It's the only way.

A Shift In My Universe

Something has changed. So subtly. Not sure if I've spoken about it before, bad memory and all. But I think it may be worth mentioning again.
Haven't blogged in so long and it's because I've been BUSY! Extra BUSY! And that in itself is amazing. I'm capable of being busy again. I'm capable of being busy for more than one or two days. I'm capable of having a shower, shaving AND blow drying my hair. Yesterday I managed, albeit extremely exhausting, two sea dives doing skills plus an afternoon appointment and I didn't crash at five. Even after having had very limited sleep due to babysitting a bottle baby needing feeding every two hours for two days. AND another thing to mention is that when my furbabies come inside with muddy paws I am able to calmly wipe their paws and not completely lose my mind.
Yesterday's appointment was with the Homeopath. She is so impressed with the progress I've made we did not even set another appointment. It was left at call me when you need me. This after only ONE appointment. This after only about TWO months. After feeling helpless and hopeless for over two years I feel like a different person. She asked me if I don't feel angry at the fact that I reached out to so many professionals and that no one could or wanted to understand. I said that I was when I was in a bad place but right now I am reveling, hour by hour, in the glory of strength. To know that I'm gonna be OK. To know that when I do crash I'm not a failure I just need to rest and that is OK.
I've recently realised that my creativity has been restored too. I'm excited to actually implement projects and complete them. I'm learning new skills. Making gifts. Ahead of me are some massive home projects that I'm excited to get underway.
I'm cautious though at what's ahead. Always wondering if this is too good to be true. When is that train gonna flatten me again. You know, what goes up must come down. BUT in this hour I'm OK. The next hour may not be but then I have my angel winged friends who support me. I have a homeopath who believes in me and her capability to help me. I have my bed that I can go crawl into, pull the covers over my head and disappear until I'm ready to face it all again. And in some crazy silly warped way I have my husband who may not understand or feel very supportive but he's there, still there, after it all and for that I'm grateful. As much as I could ring his neck at times. He is still here.
Life is truly a fucked up journey. One can only but sit back and smile through the insanity.